Ticking

So I have been having a huge mental blockage lately about going back to school. I kept reminding myself over and over again to apply at the end of last year for the semester that is in session now. As you can probably tell I never applied. Either procrastination got the best of me, or my unconscious fears and worries about the road ahead did. I would probably say a little of both.

I started attending SPC (a community college) directly after highschool. I was never one of those people that had my life mapped out ahead of me, I went with the flow. SPC offered an amazing Nursing program, and so after completing all of the general education and pre-requisites you could apply, pass and have your nursing degree...right smack dab out of a community college. 

What sounded the most lovely to me was helping and aiding others back to health. I remember as a kid lugging around my pretend doctor tools, wearing a lab coat and doctoring on my cat at home. That poor animal. I just loved the feeling of knowing I helped somebody that was in serious need, even though my cat was beyond healthy at the time. My stuffed animals were great patients too.

Mostly I was always fascinated by the human body and how each and every body ticked and tocked differently the other. And how all the systems inside worked as a factory simultaneously as one. 

So that's when I set my degree to Nursing. At this point where I stand now, I've finished all my gen ed and now have all my pre nursing classes to be focusing on, but instead I got pregnant in the midst of it all. It was a little bump, or should I say a "huge" belly bump in the way of my future as a nurse. But as time has slowly paced forward my future has become a little different than what I expected. My future is now blocks and crayons, learning how to walk and crawl, speaking and babbling baby talk and days spent at home nourishing and exploring with Lola. 

I love everything about being a stay at home mom. I actually had a horrible fear of hating it when I was pregnant. I can't sit still long and the thought of staying home and feeling as though I wasn't accomplishing anything gave me the chills. It's the TOTAL opposite of what I expected. I love knowing my baby is being brought up only by me and never having the worry of being in such a rush 99% of the time. I also love that I get to explore more of my hobbies in depth and let's be honest here I get to re-experience childhood all over again. Nothing gets better than that. 

And this is where the mental blockage comes from. I'm getting pulled in two totally opposite directions. 

So with that I decided I will take all my pre req's for nursing, which is about five more classes, finish those off and go from there. When it's all said and done, the time is still there. I came to the conclusion that right now I'm living one of my dreams, which is being a stay at home mom. My nursing dream will be in slow progression and I'm finally okay with that. Time will always be on our side, and will set the map for what is yet to come.