I used to skate. That's right, I used to rollerskate. Every weekend, mostly every Wednesday night and sometimes even during the week when I wasn't in school and they were open. I skated for like 8 years , a massive portion of my life. It was my thing, and I was good at it...really good at it. It was my escape from reality, and the place where I built a non related family.
Most of all, it was the best exercise for my body and my health. I wasn't always the healthiest eater and at a young age I became obsessed with soda, specifically Coca Cola. Skating allowed me to eat or drink whatever I wanted as long as I spent the majority of my time rolling around the rink and sweating my booty off. It was one of those excersises that wasn't forced it was fun and I maintained and kept off unneeded weight from my body. I continued skating up until the end of my senior year in high school. I just lost interest and the second family of friends stopped going which really pulled the fun out of it. That's when I started slowly putting on the weight. I hated going to the gym and nothing or nobody was going to stop me from drinking my beloved coke. So pounds and pounds later and a few years later the weight kept piling on. Luckily I carry weight pretty well, I still have a lot of the muscle I collected during skating for many years and It takes me a lot of time to gain weight. But I wasn't happy with myself, so I started pushing myself and calorie counting and all that jazz, about a few months before I found out I was pregnant. I lost about 15 pounds and I was feeling great and accomplished and then a plus sign on a stick turned all my progress back around. I let myself go.
Being pregnant took a huge toll on my body and spirit. I had major sciatic problems because Lola was sitting on a nerve that prevented me for standing long periods of time and transformed me into a limping freak for the whole duration or my pregnancy. I don't know if it was the lack of self control, or the fact that my cravings got the best of me, but I gained and gained and gained.
I hit 212 pounds the day I was sent to the hospital for high blood pressure. Lola was born that night and I had lost a lot of it once she was out. A week passed and after attempting to breast feed and pumping I had got back down to 188. As I've mentioned before breast feeding never worked out for us and that sent me spiraling down into a pit of guilt. All the changes that came with having a baby and beating myself up too much for not feeling like I was good enough threw me back into the loss of self control category. So I ate really bad food and sucked down soda like it was nobody's business. I was unstoppable and literally loss all care in what I was putting in my body.
When Lola was about five months old I started feeling nauseas every single day, all day long. I was exhausted all the time and just felt miserable. I can't tell you how many time I feared I was pregnant again. I avoided the scale and I avoided the idea of making meals and quitting soda. I figured It was just a thing and it would pass. It never passed, it just increasingly got worse.
One morning I had enough and I got up and got directly onto the scale. I was 202. I had hit an all time low. I no longer could blame pregnancy on being overweight, the only person to blame was myself and my choices. Like I said, I let myself go.
That day changed my life around. I went straight to fridge and dumped every thing that was terrible for me especially the 2 liters of coke went straight down the drain. It was a Tuesday and ever since that day I haven't had a soda since. I decided that day that calorie counting wasn't going to get me far I just had to be reasonable with my choices of food and minimize my portions. I decided that coke was my enemy and water was my friend. Whenever I got a craving for soda I would simply drink green tea...not diet just regular. Diet anything is a no no in my plan to lose weight.
A week went by and then another and things got easier. The hardest moments were when we had friends over and sodas would be consumed around me or when Ryan and I would go out to eat and he would order a soda. But I got over it and became empowered by the people around me putting horrible chemicals in their bodies. I felt good...and now I feel great.
It's been a month and I've lost 6 whole pounds. I'm down to 196 and I know I know it's not much, but it's a lot for somebody that has never given up soda and doesn't even include exercise into my plan. Eventually I intend on walking every other day, but for now I'm focusing on one thing at a time. I noticed that the other times I've "dieted," I threw myself into it like a whirlwind and I felt restricted and trapped. Which in turn forced me to give up easily. So I spent the last month quitting soda, now I have no urge for one AT ALL. I have defeated one thing, now it's about time I defeat my hatred for excersise.