You know those months where the world is kind of just testing you?
July ended up being one of those months. I actually usually despise the month of August for reasons I have a hard time explaining. I think the brain frying heat has a lot to do with it, but mostly because it feels like time is at a stand still and my body and mind is overly preparing for the fall season (that I adore so much). So let's hope this year August treats me right after the pain staking July that was served to me.
All the blame shouldn't rest on the shoulders of poor July. One of my worst qualities is my struggle with adapting to change. Any form of change, I mean we are talking the slightest change in routine and I'm totally out of sorts.
I suppose that's why July was testing me, because we had to go through and are still in the process of going through lots of changes.
Lola turned one. Such a small number with a million complex new stages and milestones included. She is now eating real deal food and we cold turkey weaned her off of the bottle the day she hit a year old. Her teeth are FINALLY starting to pop out of no where, which results in extreme teething, which may have drove me bonkers a time or two.
I signed up for school. This is a really great change, and I'm more that ecstatic to be returning after this (much needed) year with Lola and becoming a mommy. But I'm feeling like I'm standing over the deepest end of the pool and so afraid to jump in, but I know once I jump, I will be all smiles. I think I'm stressing more over the anticipation than the actual going to school part. Just two more weeks.
Alone time with Ryan was put on hold. This was a biggie because I get so fearful when the relationships in my life alter in the slightest. I become this gigantic ball of worry and I lose myself. My mom came down with pneumonia in June, and that nasty infection lasted all the way through July. This meant a lot of stress about my mom and it compromised the alone time that Ryan and I reserved specially for the weekends (when my parents would watch Lola).
I think we really were slapped with the brutal hand of reality. For a whole year (give or take a few weekends) my parents would watch Lola every Saturday night. This time was so precious for us as a couple and we both cherished it. The whole month of July took that from us and we spent our Saturday nights in, watching a lot of Netflix. I went through a bad patch because I was worried we had ended up in a rut. Until I realized the circumstances. We are parents and things like this happen, and yes July was testing us as a couple and we came to the end of the rocky road and made it, together. Ultimately I realized we don't need to rely on Saturday night alone time together to keep our relationship out of this make believe rut. All it really takes is us being together, whether we are stuck at home glued to the couch or going out and exploring the world. It also means fighting through these struggles and challenges together, which makes things a little too much to handle at times, but ten time easier when I get to acquire, my best friend by my side.
As the end of July neared, things started to settle back down a bit around here. All the pieces started to fit again, but in a new way.
Our lives are filled with these tests. How would we ever know what our relationships and we as humans are capable of if it wasn't for months like these?
So I take it back July, but I still mildly hate you for the heat you drown us in every year.